Night of the Living Christmas Tree

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More Bad Advice for Good Parents copyright Bil Lepp 2014

If you celebrate Christmas, or if you merely want to scare children regardless of your belief system, may I suggest the following:

  1. Take your children to the Christmas tree buying place.
  2. Explain that the rootless trees are dead, but that the trees with their roots girded in canvas are ‘live trees’.
  3. Buy a live tree. Put it in the trunk.
  4. Talk about the scary movie “Night of the Living Christmas Trees”, in which live trees maul people.  You’ll have to make this up, but if you’ve made it this far in the process, I whole heartily trust your imagination and discretion.
  5. Halfway home start saying things such as, “Did you hear that?” “Did that noise come from the trunk?”
  6. Put the tree in your living room.
  7. Discuss carnivorous plants such as the Venus Fly Trap, Cobra Lilly, and Bladderworts- although you may want to save Bladderworts for an entirely different conversation.
  8. Warn the children to be careful around the tree.
  9. ‘Find’ rat, cat and bird skeletons in the tree.
  10. Tie fishing line to various branches and animate the tree as the children are decorating it.
  11. Enjoy the holidays!                                copyright Bil Lepp 2014

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